"Please tell the reasons, just NO is not going to work"
silence from him... I asked him again
"Please, let us discuss debate and take it forward"
I am very persistent. Finally he opened up.
"It is not fair on the child"
Him famous one liners again.
I was stunned, how can this be unfair on the child?
Are we gonna be such bad parents ? Is that what he means. So I demanded an explanation from him
"Hello.. it is not. Infact we will strive to be good parents. Because, we both love kids . Isn't that enough?"
"I am not talking about us. That child will never be accepted as one of us by our parents/relatives"
Big sighhhh from me.
"Do you think I have not thought about it, it is secondary. Primarily it is us who should want it and be ready for it.
We can not base our life decisions on what our parents are gonna feel. Ofcourse , since this is not usual in our families we are going to face opposition.
We need to talk and deal with it and end of the day our parents or anyone has to make peace with it. It is us who is important for this decision. Isn't it?"
"It is not that simple for me. I think, instead of doing good we will be doing wrong with the kid. He/she might not have to face through the discrimination with in his/her own family.
I do not wnat to be reason for any child to have to go through it. This is end of this discussion for me. Please sleep now"
I kept quite and with many thoughts running in my head, sleep came as a finish line forcing me to stop the run.
Next day, I met my friend just to vent these thoughts. After all, friends are the only hope in these situations
We ordered our favourite beer (Beera). After doing the small talk about Bangalore's amazing weather and Modi ji's rocking decision of making Kashmir an UT
and some small office bitching, we came to the center point of discussion.
"so, tell me what is it that u wanna have a drink during a weekday"
"Yeah, it is about we wanting to adopt a kid, we have been discussing this for a while now. You know right, that I always wanted to do this."
"Hmm I know. So, is sanjay not with you on this?"
I told all about our recent conversation. By finishing the golden drops in her glass, she started speaking.
"See, I think we cant totally brush away what sanjay is telling you. opposition is to be expected more than you imagine as you are planning to adaopt out of choice and not by chance.
I know, you did not follow me. lem me explain. If you had tried hard for having biological kid and tried all possible solutions and then decided to adopt , even then people will not be happy.
But, in your case you want to do it because you wnat to and because you do not want to have biological kid. This is not soemthing that people will take it with open arms. They will get bombed just hearing this. They are gonna force you, blackmail you and beg you to have one biologocal and adapt the seond kid etc etc. "
She was going non stop, I stopped her gnaan giving flow .
"Helloo madam beera, I did not call you to hear things that I already know. I know all of that and I am ready to face them. Trying to alter my decision because our families can't understand logic is stupid. It is my life, my kid and they either can be good grand parents or keep us aloof. I leave it to their sensibility. With time seeing my affection on my kid they also will start liking them. They are very much against the idea when it is at idea stage but once we implement that idea they will slowly adapt. That;s the beauty of humans, we just adapt. They love me, I will love my kid so transitively they will also love them if not immediately , little later. It is just matter of time"
Silence for a while and then it was her who broke it.
"Though I do not totally agree with you, I have a suggestion. You know my colleague right? Revathi. She has taken this decision 15 years back. Her kid just finished her 10th class. She knew this fact quite early in her childhood. Revathi has informed her about this at a very early stage.Why dont you talk with her. See, end of the day we really will not know what the kid would go through. We can not presume things . This might give you some perspective. Just think about it."
I did not take even a second to decide on it.
"That's brilliant. Yes, I should talk with her. Thats right. You are a genius!!! A friend in need is friend indeed. I love you baby!!!"
Now, those last words was all beera talk:)
She made sure, we all meet at some event where her colleague with her daughter and me all are present. She hosted the party and I did not take sanjay with me.
I do not want him to be influenced by this talk because, if this turns out to be inline with what he is feeling it might take away any hope of me convincing him.
So, I came all alone and had atleast three different ways of starting conversation with her to get to this topic. Finally the moment arrived.
"So, how did you feel when you heard it for the first time?"
"To be frank, I don't think I have understood it all at that age. But, somewhere it answered some questions I had on why my grand ma behaves differently when my cousin is around."
"meaning? does she not like you?"
"No.no. it is not that aunty. How do I say this, so our grabd ma used to live with us. She is nice with me and all but when ever my cousin comes home. He is one year elder to me
and whenever we both are aound she kind of gives more priority to him. As a child I could not understand and I started hating that cousin. I thought he is the reason that is taking my grand ma away from me. My mom used to pacify me saying that since grand ma doesnot see him regularly she kinds of shows more love to him and that is all. I could not be convinced. But, once my mom told me about my adaption somehwere even at that stage I left may be that is why she behaves so"
"When you knew that, did you feel sad that you mother decision is responsible for making you go through all that?"
"Why?? No!!! On the contrary as I grew I started loving my grand ma more. See, she could have decided to totally ignore me, afterall I am not her blood. But she did not do that. She cared for me.
She had affection on me. She might not have loved me but how can I blame her. I am a decision that was forced on to her by my mother. She reacted very well given our families love for their own kin and blood"
I was really amazed to see her matured way of dealing with that. So much positivity.
"Coming to my parents, they are parents and that is all. I don't know any other life. Because of her now I have a family. Few people might love me less may be but if not for her I would not have had a family. I dont know what else to say. "
Her mother called her out and she left from there yelling
"Coming maa....."
I think I found my answer and I wish sanjay had heard this himself.
